It is difficult for women today. It seems like there are a lot of 20 something women wondering where all the good men have gone. What is the culprit for this lack of men? Extended adolescence. It’s evidenced by the sheer amount of young men still living at home, without direction, playing video games, and working entry level jobs. When we talk about this, we must realize this extended adolescence is only a symptom and not the cause of the problem.  

What is causing young men to play games? Why are young men spending their money on silly hobbies, watching hours of Youtube and Netflix and avoiding real commitment and their call to adventure? Where are the men with chests? Young men, in their formation, are very much under attack on many levels. But one of the most devastating attacks is this: boys are no longer expected to be men.

In tribes and cultures around the world and throughout history, societies have emphasized a turning point for boys. At some point in a boy’s life, often towards the beginning of his teenage years, there would have been a ceremony transitioning him from being a boy to being a man. In warrior cultures he would have become a warrior. Some cultures he would have been old enough to start a trade. In the Jewish tradition he would’ve had a bar mitzvah. In our culture, we don’t have a clear transition. In our culture boys will be boys well into their adulthood.

I am calling for a change in the Church. We ought to be a voice for boys to transition into manhood. Maybe we need a ceremony. Maybe we need some sort of standard training. What ever it is, we need it NOW! We need them to realize their God given identity. They’re being told on all sides to never grow up. We need men to be men, we can’t afford a society without them.

If you have a good idea leave comment: or better yet start a move in your church!

“In the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to the grave.” Proverbs 5:4,5

I remember the first time I looked at porn. I was maybe 10 or 11. I was trying to navigate to a website for video games. This one “accident” led to over a decade of intentional abuse. I don’t know how much of an “accident” it was for me to stumble upon it. I have a suspicion that porn is directly marketed to adolescent males. Either that or it’s a widespread coincidence that most men discover porn at that age; something I’m not keen to buy into. It seems more likely that it’s intentional marketing. 

My parents had mentioned that porn was wrong. That it had a way of invading your mind. They would often digress into why sex outside of marriage is wrong. What they didn’t know, was that I was already enslaved to it. The dangers of pornography were just beginning. 

Ted Bundy, a serial killer in the 1970s claimed that pornography influenced his actions. “It happened in stages, gradually, it doesn’t happen overnight. My experience with pornography; once it becomes an addiction… I would keep looking for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Pornography only goes so far. You reach a jumping off point where you begin to wonder if maybe actually “doing it” will give you that which is beyond just reading about it or looking at it.”

Pornography is dangerous because it is never satisfied. You may think you have it “under control” or that you “can quit when you want to.” But do not be fooled watching porn is walking you down a path to hell. 

Now, you might be saved. You may indeed be in heaven in the next life. If you are addicted to pornography, however, your life will be as real a hell as anything. There is no more a miserable Christian than the one who is living in a secret life of sin. 

Porn is leading you to hell. You will be tortured by your lack of integrity. You will feel imprisoned and enslaved. You will say and do things that you hate. You will live in constant fear of being found out.

What you need is a fresh vision of Jesus. Give yourself to hearing the gospel, again, and again. Humble yourself before God and seek help. 

The hardest season in my life was when I finally faced this particular demon publically. My girlfriend (now my wife) was wrecked. My ministry was mangled and hurt. My reputation was ruined and I lost some respect from my family. But honestly I was already living in a personal hell before I told them.

Now I’m in recovery. God is healing wounds and cleaning my thought life. I’m free to speak candidly and with authority of Jesus’ redemptive power. I don’t live in fear of being found out or exposed. As a whole I experience freedom and life!

Where is porn taking you? To hell. “Her steps follow the path to the grave.”

Before I was married I was enslaved to pornography. I hated that I kept falling into the same habits. My behaviors related to pornography and masturbation absolutely crippled me psychologically. I had this secret life that seemed to creep into every part of who I was. I considered myself a follower of Jesus, but I couldn’t keep from watching porn.

What I didn’t know was how watching porn made sex with my wife so difficult. After Jesus had set me free from pornography I noticed something strange.

The conditioning from porn made sex with my wife harder to enjoy. I had gotten so used to watching porn and masturbating that pleasing my wife became difficult. You see something in my mind was used to the ease of access to porn and gratification.

Sex is much more about a mutual pursuit of pleasure for your spouse. But when you’re so used to just focusing on your own pleasure it makes having sex more challenging. You’re not used to seeking the pleasure of your wife.

God gave me grace to learn love in sex. To seek the good of my wife over my own gratification. That’s not to say I wasn’t satisfied, on the contrary, sex with my wife is one of the most wonderful things in marriage. But in the beginning I was so selfish.
Porn makes good men selfish. It makes sex one sided. God’s plan for sex is sacrificial and meaningful. Pornography makes sex one sided and neurotic. It’s easy to pursue your own gratification in porn. By contrast, the greatest good in sex is the pleasure you bring to your spouse.
God wants to heal you of your addiction to porn. Consider taking a step to meeting with a counselor or a pastor. The quality of sex in your marriage is dependent upon your freedom from selfishness.

James 1:22 “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

I spent years addicted to porn. I would watch videos on how to get free. I read every man’s battle. I heard a million sermons. Most of them were 45 minutes of “why porn is wrong”.

I’m not going to tell you why its wrong. You know why its wrong. What you need isn’t more information on the damaging effects of porn. You don’t need another sermon. You need obedience.

I spent years looking for the secret trick or the new revelation. I was looking for a moment that my chains would be broken and I would really be free. All I ever got were sermons on “why porn is bad”.

Freedom from porn doesn’t come through a program it comes through a person. How did I experience freedom from this addiction?

I adopted a lifestyle of humility. Self consciousness kept me from ever knowing freedom. I realized I would rather lose my reputation than continue to be enslaved. I sought help from my pastoral team and had sought help from other professions. Your greatest enemies are pride and fear. Humble yourself.

I had to find out why I was turning to porn. I had been medicating myself with pleasure. Escapism and pleasure gave me relief from how hard life is. Most addictions begin as a medication of sorts.

Most of all I had to give up my rights. I gave up my rights to my body. Your body is not your own. You have no rights to abuse the goodness God has given you. I began submitting my mind and body to God, because they are His.

Maybe you’re struggling with this addiction. If you are, take steps. Turn off the sermons and the books and follow God in obedience. Seek help and wisdom from wise counsel.

Masculinity is currently imploding. Every time we turn on the T.V. or pop over to yahoo news there’s a new story about a selfish man doing selfish things. Evil and wicked men are a dime a dozen. It’s a P.R. nightmare for men. It is also so hard to see any good example of masculinity for boys. This is not a new development. For ages and ages heroes are very flawed men.

Part of the problem is how we define masculinity as a culture. As I see it there are two ways to view masculinity. It is a set of traits that are violent, strong and abrasive a barbarian and brute. Or it is nothing at all and just a construct of society. Neither of these are entirely true. Yes, men tend to be more violent and abrasive than women. Yes, society has a say in how men are perceived and even act. However, not all men are Conan the Barbarian and some men have an identity apart from how culture defines them.

Our culture defines masculinity as an opposition or difference from femininity. Women are more alike than they are different. What defines masculinity is not how men differ from women, rather, it is by how they differ from boy. The Bible distinguishes men from boys. “When I was a child I spoke as a Child, now I am a man and have put away childish things” 1 Corinthians 13:11. What our culture is in desperate need of is an expectation for men to grow up. Most great sin is born out of immaturity and selfishness.

Our culture expects men to act childish. It is a defining feature in entertainment and advertising. The dad goofs off while mom does the work. Young men staying at home with their parents playing videogames or basketball. It may seem like a stretch to equate immaturity with the terrible sins of our society. Let me be very clear; boys who never mature are selfish, lazy, and gluttonous. For too long, proponents of Biblical masculinity, have squared up men verses women; masculinity is a maturity issue. Men must wage war on their own immaturity in order to walk in a unique expression of masculinity